Sunday, April 24, 2011

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas - Days 12, 13, 14 & 15

I've not read Hunter S. Thompson's Fear and Lothing in Las Vegas, but I think I will.

Vegas is NOT my kind of town. I can't explain why it's not my kind of town, but I think it's got something to do with the lack of reality and originality. It almost certainly has something to do with me being no longer young and carefree - not to mention being cautious with my money. I can imagine enjoying Vegas if I was 21 and single. I can even imagine surviving Vegas if I was 21 and single - almost.

At 39 and married with children, Las Vegas made me suddenly and severely depressed.

I cried a lot in Las Vegas.

At first glance, it's certainly impressive. Everything exists on a grand scale. All of the world's most iconic monuments reproduced and thrown together along a couple of miles of "strip". But they're just repoductions. And they're not faithful reproductions. They're reproductions calculated to find an economic sweet spot where visual impact is maximised on a budget. It all feels like Emerald City in the land of Oz - and the man behind the curtain is a shifty bastard!

The most appopriately named casino in Vegas .... The Mirage

So, after a long ride on a Greyhound bus, and a short-ish ride in a taxi - we arrived at our castle. And let me firstly say that my romantic notions of Greyhound buses were shattered. But I can't blame Greyhound for my unrealistic romantic notions. I don't know that Greyhound ever did anything to create the images in my mind. Music and movies are to blame for that. Why should I assume that vagrants fleeing across vast tracts of land to escape their past and create new lives with nothing more than the clothes on their back and perhaps a battered guitar case would be doing so on luxury coaches? Sorry, my bad, but I get it now.

As I said, we arrived at our castle, and in typical Vegas style, first impressions are impressive. Which is no great surprise. For an impression to be other than impressive would require at a minimum some mangling of our language. Of course, what could be more fun than mangling a language? They don't call English a manguage for nothing. In fact, they don't call English a manguage at all. Or, if they do, I've not met them.

Our hotel - Excalibur - is vast. Almost 4,000 motel rooms and about a dozen turrets. All themed in medieval style.

The second thing you notice is the smell. My talents with describing odours are limited - so I fear I can do not justice in describing the smell. It's not a particularly bad smell. It's almost a sweet smell, in a disinfectant sort of a way. I presume it's a cover for the smell of smoke - of which there is plenty in the air. For me, not liking Vegas, the smell quickly became associated with my
overall distaste, and so every time I entered the building, it triggered my feelings of entrapment and revulsion.

Visual impression. Check. Olfactory impression. Check. The next thing we find is a very friendly chap directing us to what we assume to be the check-in desk. Another friendly face at what we still assume to be the check-in desk offers us cheap show tickets. We choose 4 passes to the Tournament of Kings, including an alleged 5 course meal (according to the friendly face), for the kingly sum of $50. Seems like good deal. And to receive our tickets, we just need to attend a short presentation - no more than two hours - at a motel 5 minutes down the road. Now, I have been to Queensland, so whilst I may not recognise the smell of a medieval themed casino, I can smell a timeshare presentation from 100 kms away at 1 part in 1000. Unfortunately, I'm also a sucker for a cheap show ticket, so we agreed to show up at 1:45 the next afternoon - with no obligation - to receive our tickets.

We took our first stroll down the strip. Plenty of street performers are happy to pose for photos in return for a small tip. One of the Michael Jackson's was even creepy enough to pass as a real paedophile.

Still in search of a bargain, we visited a "Tix4Tonight" booth to buy some cheap passes for dinner. If your not familiar, the theory here is that each night you can buy unsold show tickets at reduced prices. They also sell tickets for discount meals. Of course, Vegas being Vegas, things are not always as they seem. The small print on our tickets, which I read as we sat down to eat, specified that a 15% gratuity would be charged on the undiscounted price. Can it really be a gratuity if it's a contractual obligtaion? It can in the English manguage.

So, we've got gambling (obviously), we've got smoking (not surprisingly), but two other vices are on constant display in the city of sin. Firstly, alcohol. Everyone seems to be sipping from a receptacle better suited to fighting forest fires. Some are shaped like plastic guitars (and close to full size), some are shaped like the eiffel tower (and, again, close to full size). And won't those enormous novelty cups come in handy when it comes to packing your suitcase for the trip home?

The other conspicuous vice is sex. At every street corner along the strip you find at least four short Mexicans snapping credit cards and pamphlets into your hand, advertising attractive ladies who can be at your hotel within 20 minutes. If the pictures on the cards are anything to go by, then Vegas has some incredibly hot ladies. If the chaps handing out the cards are anything to go by, then I'd doubt the pictures on the cards are anything to go by. Curiously, I saw as many women's clothing shops in Vegas as I saw casinos - yet looking through these cards you'd get the impression that there are no clothes to be had. Only strange ethereal points of light, and I'm still unsure whether they are intended to hide or to accentuate the rude bits.

But it's not just the cards on the street corners. Every casino seems to have dancers in lingerie, and girls delivering drinks to gamers in lingerie, and girls dealing cards in lingerie. And the breasts are all impressive (though no doubt only cheap replicas of the real thing). There are billboards advertising strip shows. Sex is everywhere. And it gives me an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. And it's not just the employees. There was a lot of very impressive cleavage and short skirts and high heels, and I love to see it, and yet I can't help feeling I'd be better off if I didn't.

And does any city need a shop four stories high dedicated to M&Ms?

So, on day 2 of Vegas we met our tour group for the timeshare presentation. The friendly person who loaded us onto the bus assured us that he valued our vacation time, and that we would return as soon as possible. We were bussed to the Grandview. Now, the guy who booked us in told us it was five minutes down the road. They must have forgotten to drop us off the first time past, because it was 20 minute trip, and I'm sure that no-one trying to sell us timeshare would lie to us.

We waiting in a designated waiting area until, and when our names were called, a very friendly agent gave us some lunch and then a lenghty tour of the motel. It looks very nice - for a place sitting on its own nowhere near the rest of Vegas. By this stage our two hours was up, so we were getting impatient, and we were sat down for the sales pitch. We made it quite clear that we were not interested, and had only attended for the promised cheap tickets. But on she went. And we said no. And on she went. And we said no. And so she called in the big gun. All gold rings and chains. And he sweetened the deal. And we said no. And so he sweetened some more. And with barely concealed impatience we said no. And he made one last pitch. And we said no. And so he stamped an all important slip of paper to confirm that we had put up with his nonsense.

By this stage our friendly representative had turned nasty and refused to speak to us. We were ushered to the next stage, and another almost firendly person. We made clear that we were fed up, that they'd already taken more than 2 hours of our time, and that we wanted to get back to our holiday. "But it says here that you didn't arrive until 2:22pm". Aha, the five minute bus trip that took twenty minutes isn't included in the "no more than 2 hours". So, we answered some questions about how wonderful the sales presentation was, and just how low the final offer we refused was. Then we were ushered to another friendly person, who filled out yet more paperwork, and finally gave us our tickets. Well, not tickets as such. Vouchers to obtain tickets - subject to availability.


And what a fun bus trip back, with a bus full of passengers seething with hatred for the Grandview Las Vegas. Actually, it was probably good to blow off a little collective steam.

By the time we returned to our motel, our "no more than 2 hours" had been 3 hours and 20 minutes.

So, to understand just what's involved in selling timeshare, let's recap how many people chanelled us through this labrynth.

1 - the guy who directed us to the desk in Excalibur
2 - the guy who took our $50 and signed us up for the tour
3 - the guy who loaded us onto the bus
4 - the bus driver
5 - the person who led us from the bus to the waiting area in the grandview
6 - the lady who showed us around and tried to sign us up
7 - the big gun who tried really hard to make the offer look good
8 - the lady who surveyed us
9 - the lady who printed our tickets
10 - the bus driver who returned us to our motel

That's 10 people, or, as I like to call them, cunts, who presumably all received some payment for this unsuccessful attempt (with the possible exception of cunt number 6, who may work for commission - but probably still receives some retainer).

We spent the rest of our time in Vegas fending off offers from other cunts throughout the motel who attempted to feed us back into the machine. I employed my right to dimiss them less than politely.

And the silver lining from this dark cloud? The Tournament of Kings show was really quite good. I'm still having trouble indentifying the five courses that the friendly man at the desk (cunt number 2) promised. We had soup, we had a main meal, we had dessert. I don't claim to be any mathematical genius, but that sounds like three courses to me. I had a glass of coke. Perhaps that could be considered a fourth course.

This has been a pretty long and somewhat vitriolic post, but I'm not yet done with Vegas.

Whilst sitting in the spa at the motel with Jesamine and Connick, a guy who'd clearly been drinking for too many consecutive days and with a chip the size of a Las Vegas margarita clearly upon his shoulder, decided to lecture me about how Jesamine really can't stand me (I believe the proof being that his daughter can't stand him - and I can her point). It was a little uncomfortable, but I have a pretty good sense for which drunken idiots to needle, and which to smile at and nod along with. And so I smiled and nodded, and when his brother joined us, I smiled and nodded some more. Still, I felt it was only a matter of time till matters took a sour turn, and verily did a member of the resort staff arrive of queue and request that they leave the spa. Much agression ensued. And many were the security staff who arrived to herd them from the resort.

And herd they did. There must have been nearly a dozen security staff eventually - but never using undue force. Just herding.

For our last dinner in Vegas, we caught a shuttle to Rio Casino, and to Gaylord's Indian restaurant. This was one of the best Indian meals I've had.

We wandered home through many of the casinos, marvelling at the vacuous and ostentatious fixtures. Indoor fountain anyone? How about a canal complete with gondolas passing under four or five bridges? On a second floor?

No one can deny that Vegas is impressive.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Days 9, 10 & 11 - San Diego

Can you feel my blogging energy waning? One post per day for 8 days, and suddenly a single post to cover 3 days.

We left the tour group behind in Anaheim - and left poor Rachel emotionally distressed. We caught a Lux Bus to San Diego - a trip of about 1 1/2 hours.

Our hotel is nice. The service leaves a bit to be desired.

First day here we explored the city on foot. We found a medical centre, and spent far too long waiting (some things are universal, or at least trans-continental) for a doctor to look at a rash under Jesamine's arms. With the appropriate antibiotics in hand (at least the doctor provides these, rather than sending us to a pharmacy), we found a lovely Indian restaurant for an early tea (or dinner, as the locals would have it). Actually, we found a number of nice looking Indian restaurants - but ate in only one.

One of the great illusions of dining in America is that it's cheap. It certainly looks that way at first glance - but when you add the tax and tip, we typically end up spending more than we would in Australia. And that includes sharing meals.

We found Horton Plaza - the local shopping centre - where we ran into the Flemings. They had also bussed to San Diego from Anaheim. It's a small world as they say (though they're not often geologists nor astronomers, so what would they know anyway?)

I purchased a book for $3 (plus tax). What, with that and my $15 t-shirt and $13 cap, I'm practically keeping the US economy afloat on my own!

Next day we found a Supermarket (Ralph's, for those with a perverse interest), and purchased some fresh fruit. We also revisited Horton Plaza, where we stopped for a movie. Scream 4. I think I recognised one of the house exteriors in the film from our Universal Studios tour.

We met the Flemings for tea (again, that's dinner locally) at the Old Spaghetti Factory. It was a longer walk than we remembered from our first day, so on the way home we took up the offer of a ride on the back of a pedi-taxi - i.e. a bicycle with a trailer. Suzy giggled the whole trip as this poor bugger tried to pedal the four of us uphill to our hotel. He gave up with about two blocks to go - which was still a pretty impressive effort.

Today, being day 3 of San Diego (and day 11 of our US trip), we visited Old Town San Diego. Given the local tourist advisor had warned us off visiting Mexico - this was the next best thing. Some amazing old houses. Lots of colourful (colorful in local-spell) markets. Jez and I toured the Whaley House - one of America's most haunted houses - and every bit as dull as I expected.

We then caught a taxi to Coronado, and checked out the Del Coronado hotel. Very impressive. Unfortunately the hot Southern Californian weather has left us temporarily, so a little too cool for swimming at the lovely beach.

In contrast to my earlier comment about the cost of dining, we got lunch at KFC/Taco Bell. For less than $5 I ended up with 1 hard taco, 3 soft tacos, 1 burrito, and a large coke (soda in the local tongue).

We caught the Ferry back to San Diego, and I believe I'm now overdue for a swim on the hotel pool.

Thanks for you attention.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Day 8

Disneyland is an exciting, wondrous and magical place. And I've had my fill.

You CAN have too much of a good thing, and at the end of a 6-day pass, the sheer decadence has worn me down. Even the California Screamin' rollercoaster, over so many rides has progressed from thrilling, to exciting, to enjoyable, to somewhat dull, and finally to a little annoying. It's like gorging on block after block of chocolate. It's like seeing a great comedian perform the same routine time and again.

I don't mean that I now regret our time at Disneyland - only that I don't need any more for a little while.

And so I've left the family there for their final hours, and headed back to the motel to catch-up on a couple of days blogging. Tomorrow, we leave for San Diego by bus.

I won't run through the rides of the day - suffice it to say that we explored some of the less thrilling adventures with shorter queues that hadn't really been on our to-do-list. Though we did coax Suzy onto the Hollywood Tower of Terror early in the day - which was great.

To take a few steps back, the day started with the girls' final dance performance at California Adventure Park. Yet again we parents were a little emotional and a lot proud.

Today was also our farewell dinner - at the Rainforest Cafe. This is a little different to the Hot Spot in Traralgon - and even a little better than the Royal Exchange. It's a themed restaurant, with as much attention to detail as any of the Disney rides. Modelled on ancient ruins overgrown by rainforest, it includes a number of wall height fishtanks, and a few animatronic animals (including a couple of sizeable elephants). It was a great way to finish the official dance tour. Awards were awarded and speeches were spoken.

It turns out we'll be crossing paths with at least a couple of the other families who have overlapping further travel plans. In fact, our bus to San Diego is thanks to the Fleming family.

In closing, let me assure you that this was the eighth straight day of perfect blue skies, and after a couple of warmer days, was back to something in the mid twenties.

I realise that this post is out of order, but I thought I'd get it out of the way while it's fresh in my head. Now, onto Day 7 ...


Saturday, April 16, 2011

Day 7

Day 7 provided a rare opportunity for a sleep in. Whilst not a "free day", the girls were not performing till late in the day. We decided (well, Jez and Rachel decided) to do a little more shopping, so we booked a car to take us to the "Block at Orange" - the sort of shopping centre where all the shops have "outlet" at the end of their name, but nothing is noticeably cheaper.

We were picked up in a Lincoln Towncar, which I obviously find very apt because my middle name is Towncar.

In the afternoon, the girls performed in the Street Parade through Disneyland. They found it hard going - an hour or so of rehearsal and then dancing continuously for 2 km. But we loved it.

One thing I will say about Disneyland, is that you hear an awful lot of the Hawthorn Theme song.

Jez and Rachel were apparently interviewed for some TV show or other just prior to the parade. Unfortunately they have no idea who or what or why - so I doubt that we'll ever see it.

Connick purchased a sword or two from Disneyland. We're getting these delivered - and I sure hope they get through customs (or do I?)

Connick and I finally caught the fireworks display. It is very impressive. And to think that it's happening every day! (Except of course when technical difficulties intervene)

We also saw Fantastica - a show combination of live action, lights and water on the river front. The premise of the show is that it's Mickey's dream - but I couldn't help feeling someone may have slipped Mickey a Mickey.

A few other observations about America I've collected along the way:
- McDonald's thick shakes are topped with whipped cream - which seems a mite unnecessary
- Our money is much better, and getting rid of 1 and 2 cent pieces was a good idea.
- The line between domestic pickup (ute) and monster truck is very blurry
- There seems to be an issue with buskers that turning up for gigs. Sometimes there's just a DVD playing.

Anyway, let's call that Day 7, which along with the Day 8 I posted earlier, concludes the first leg of our journey.

Good night.

Day 6

Another perfect day - if not a little too warm - and off to Hollywood.

We drove past a few notable locations, including the Venice High School that served as Rydell High for Grease. Our first stop was the Santa Monica pier, where Connick sat for a personalised sculpture (not a great likeliness, but still pretty cool). Jez and Rachel danced their own unique dance to a busking steel drummer - and then had a play on his steel drum.

We drove along some notable streets, including Sunset Strip where the famous nightclubs are, including the Whisky A Go-Go and the Viper room (once owned by Jonathon Depp and the place that River Phoenix allegedly took to the pavement like a duck to lead pellets).

The girls performed their dances outside Madam Tussauds on Hollywood Boulevard. It was very exciting with a huge billboard announcing "Welcome Danceworks 114 from Traralgon Australia".

It was also bloody hot!

We toured Madam Tussauds, and took photos in amusing poses with the waxen-folk. Some are very likelike, though I'm not sure they did justice to Angelina Jolie's breasts. Halle Berry's, on the other hand, were looking very swell (get it?) until I peeked into her top and they were a little incomplete and marred by seams in the wax (are they really wax? It feels more like plastic)

I was a little disappointed they didn't have wicks in the tops of their heads.

The girls headed off for a dance workshop at "The Edge". We parents headed to Farmers Market/The Grove for a short trip. This looks like a great shopping area, and one we may try to revisit when we return to LA in a few weeks.

Connick and I attempted to buy some fruit from a fruit stall, and ended up filming a commercial for sunkist mandarins. It will probably be on Youtube at some stage. Connick was very excited by his fame.

Jez and Rachel kept the bus entertained/annoyed with their singing all the way home.

By the time we got back to hotel, too little sleep and too little fresh fruit was catching up with me, so I took some Cold and Flu tablets and turned in for an early night.

Stay tuned for Day 7 ...



Day 5

Our first free day!!! No wake-up call!!! Another day of perfect blue skies!!! Plenty of exclamation marks!!!

We took advantage of our first free-day with a sleep-in. I still woke reasonably early - because our room heats up pretty quickly under the Southern Californian sun (actually, it's the same sun we have in Australia - but it behaves a little differently when it's over this side of the world).

We caught a bus to Santa Ana for a bit of shopping. Not much for me and Connick to see, but I did manage to find a new splendid hat and an equally splendid t-shirt in JC Penny. Jez and Rachel have a new favourite shop here called Forever 21 - and they bought ... ummm ... clothes or something.

We headed over to Disneyland late in the afternoon, and stayed till after midnight. We saw the World of Colour show, which is a really impressive use of sprinklers and torches (btw, that's my "u" in colour, not Disney's, and I'd like it back when you're finished reading it.)

I don't believe we managed to lose anything on this particular day!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Day 4

This morning we had a 6:30 wake up call, to head into Hollywood for our visit to Universal Studios.

It's a bit of a rush, because Universal only opens from 10am to 6pm - which seems a bit odd. We had to buy a new pass for Connick (having lost his along with his Disney pass the other day), but we at least got a discount off the retail price.

Driving into Hollywood is interesting. There are some iconic buildings to see - like Capitol Records - and of course the Hollywood sign. There are a lot of areas that look less than desirable to live in. We were held up by a four car accident on the freeway. Four crashed cars, two police, and about 14 tow trucks.

The girls again made all of us parents proud with their dancing.

Despite the limited time, we saw most of what there is to see at Universal. The studio tour includes a new King Kong segment, which is a highlight. The pick of the rides would have to be the Simpson's virtual roller-coaster - followed by the Mummy roller coaster.

The Waterworld show is impressive - though not everyone's cup of tea (not Suzy's for example).

Rachel managed to lose her purse today at Universal Studios - luckily someone handed it in with cash intact. So, that's Jesamine's phone, Connick's tickets, my hat, and Rachel's purse. We are fast becoming known as the loser family. Oh, and I just realised that I deleted all of today's photos off our memory card without downloading them. Lucky we hadn't taken any more photos, so the files seem to be recoverable. In fact ... yep ... I've got them back. Phew!!!

It feels like we've done so much less today - but I guess it's still been a pretty full day. The fireworks finished a while ago, so I know that it's after 10pm.

Tomorrow is our first "free" day. I believe there'll be some shopping, and then into Disney for some queuing.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Day 3

Another beautiful day in Southern California. So beautiful, in fact, that I'm getting rather sun burnt about the bits that I keep overlooking with sunscreen.

One important fact that I overlooked in my day 2 post was that Connick has managed to lose his 6-day Disney pass and his Universal Studios pass. Did we not stress enough how important is was to look after these things? And Jesamine's not off the hook either - having managed to leave her phone on the bus from the airport.

We've got Jesamine's phone back, and so far Disney have been good with providing Connick complimentary passes. Not sure if Universal Studios will be so accommodating tomorrow. Unfortunately Disney have not provided me with a complimentary splendid hat. Lucky I brought a spare!

Today the girls danced at California Adventure Park. Again we were all very proud parents. It was a better stage, and a better performance.

Lots more rides at both parks for the afternoon. Yesterday Jesamine came up with the great gag of waiting till the lights go out in the Haunted Mansion, then laying on the floor pretending to be dead when the lights come back on. It was ever so much fun yesterday, so she did it again today. Sometimes you just can't keep a good gag down. Much like a bad meal.

Anyway, we returned for an early night rather than hang around for the fireworks. The plan was for a nice relaxing spa, but I got blogging and that boat has now sailed. In fact, the fireworks have just finished. Didn't sound like they suffered any technical difficulties today. Neither did the rides for that matter.

Well, I didn't make it to that spa, but it's only 10 past 10pm, so there's still time for a reasonably early night in readiness for a 6:30 wake up call in the morning. Tomorrow we're off to Universal Studios.

Night all.

Day 2

Somehow it feels we've been here for a looong time. But I still don't have that feeling of being in another country - I'm pretty sure that I just took an extraordinarily roundabout route to the gold coast.

We had our early wake up call for the first day, for breakfast in Goofy's Kitchen.

Did I say breakfast? Then what the hell were those peperoni pizzas and hot dogs doing there? And how did anyone conceive of a peanut and jelly pizza? And that glass of orange juice I ordered - I'm sorry waiter but you seem to have brought me a bucket. And no - I don't need it refilled.

We had many characters come by for photos - and I must say Cinderella was very cute. Some to think of it, so was Aladdin.

Back from breakfast and the girls got ready for their first workshop and performance as Disneyland. Having seen them off, Suzy, Connick and I caught a taxi to the local Target for a spot of shopping. We bought a couple of cheap phones to keep in touch. Cell phones mind you - but certainly very mobile. Is there something wrong in the world when for $20 you can buy a phone, have unlimited calls to mobiles (sorry, cells) for 10 days, and then throw it away. At least we're here for a bit longer, so we might buy some more credit (sorry, airtime) and make it really worthwhile for the phone company.

Connick bought a Nerf gun - because he assured us it was ever so much cheaper than at home.

We also stocked up on cheap cereals, snacks and bottled water (24 bottles for $4 ... bargain). I don't recommend the US version of Cheerios. Very bland compared to our Australian 4 grain Cheerios.

We caught a bus back, and found that by appearing a little clueless and failing to have correct change, the driver waved us through on a vastly reduced fare. So, not entirely dissimilar to the tactic I employ when using trams in Melbourne.

The girls' first performance at Disneyland put a tear in most of our eyes. I blame the long flight and lack of sleep for leaving us in an emotionally fragile state. Imagine being 13 and dancing at Disneyland! Imagine being 13 and doing ANYTHING at Disneyland! I wouldn't suggest that dancing troupes on slightly obscure stages are big crowd pullers at Disneyland - but we did hear some very positive comments from a few of the non-parents who stopped by to watch.

In the afternoon, we hit the rides. But Monday was a very busy day. We decided to start using fast passes. For those who don't know, every two hours you can get a fast pass ticket for one ride. The ticket allocates a time, usually a couple of hours later, when you can walk straight to the front of the queue. You return at that time and walk smugly past the regular queuers.

What you don't expect is to find that the fast pass will have you return more than 7 hours later!

The wait times seem to have a lot to do with the rate of, what the Disney folk like to call. "technical difficulties". During our first two days at Disneyland, I have experienced most of the good rides having "technical difficulties".

Our fast pass ride on the Soaring Over California ride was a long wait - because the ride had been experiencing "technical difficulties". It is nonetheless a very cool ride.

I had my own "technical difficulty" on the California Screamin' rollercoaster - when I forgot to remove my splendid hat. Actually, I did remove my hat. I removed it by thrusting my head forward through the air at a rather cracking pace. Still waiting for it to turn up in lost and found (my splendid hat, that is - not my splendid head).

We had tea in a Mexican restaurant in Downtown Disney, then raced back to the park for the 9:30 fireworks display. We were running late, but lucky for us so were the fireworks. Due to - you guessed it - technical difficulties.

When it did start, we were becoming quite impressed - what with Tinkerbell flying across the sky and all. That was until the show came to an abrupt and unexpected halt - followed by an announcement that "we're sorry that fireworks show can not continue due to technical difficulties".

Suzy and I raced across to Space Mountain - one of the rides we'd been unable to get a fast pass for due to "technical difficulties". Another feature of the rides is that for those without a fast pass, there's always a sign telling you how long the wait will be. It turns out these signs are not always very accurate. A 25 minute estimated wait time was pretty close to one hour in real time. And that's adjusting for the time dilation effect caused by the speed of the rollercoaster.

When Jesamine, Rachel and I turned up for our 11:15pm fast pass on the Indiana Jones ride, it became a long wait as they sorted out some "technical difficulties". Suzy had also had a long wait for this ride earlier while they addressed some "technical difficulties". Luckily for the attendant and fellow queuers, we had two insane 13 year old girls to to liven things up. Jesamine and Rachel were in fine form, keeping everyone amused with their "Ossie" accents and refusal to give a straight answer to even the simplest question.

"So, are you sisters?"
"We're twins"
"Really?"
"Yes. We're born 11 days apart."
"What?"
"Well, we're mostly twins - but also mostly not twins"

Much merriment ensued.

Anyway, it made for a late night, as we eventually got on the ride and left Disneyland some time after midnight.


And can I just say before closing - the weather here is unbelievable. Warm days with clear blue skies. And still neither mosquito nor fly to be seen
.

For those not on Facebook - we salute you

I know that some people are not on Facebook, and I applaud your efforts to resist change and maintain your own privacy. On the other hand, uploading photos to a blog is time-consuming and tedious compared to Facebook.

I've put on five photos here - but I make no promises that I'll be putting many more on. Facebook just makes it soooo much easier.


About to head through customs

In the departure lounge

At Goofy's kitchen for breakfast

Sunday, April 10, 2011

US trip - Day 1

It really is quite something just what you can fit into a single day - particularly when you cross time zones (try not to cross time zones - they can be very unforgiving). It's quite something else
just how much time can be spent queuing!

It began for us as 5am this morning - or was it yesterday morning - when every phone and ipod started beeping to wake us up from our Tullamarine motel. It was Sunday10 April in Melbourne.

And the lord said unto the intrepid travellers "let there be queues". And lo there were queues. We queued for the bus, we queued for our boarding passes, we queued at customs, and we queued to board the plane. Suzy was held up at security as she attempted to smuggle some illegal hair product through in hand luggage. She was then pulled aside when boarding for an allegedly random security check. Random my sweet buttocks. She's got shifty eyes or my name isn't Max Power.

Here's a funny thing. Whilst boarding, we heard call for a Mr Einstein, who was apparently running late for his plane. Not a name you hear too often, but I like to imagine he boarded the plane to much sarcastic calling of "Well done Einstein." or "Bit of trouble finding the plane Einstein?". Perhaps one of the better read passengers could weave a cutting reference around the relativity of time.

So, anyway, we boarded Hudson Fysh, the QANTAS A380, and made for the skies.Well, just the one sky actually. The one you see when you look up.

This was my first international flight, and at the risk of sounding very Dale Kerrigan, I'll fill you in on the movies I watched. Freakonomics, The Deer Hunter, The Fighter, Annie Hall. I also watched a bit of stand-up comedy from Arj Barker and Jimeoin, and listened to a bit of music. I must say I'm impressed with the breadth of music available. I was even able to find some Charles Mingus and Oscar Peterson.

I tried to sleep, and I managed a couple of short naps, but nothing substantial. I also availed myself of the free Scotch & Coke on a couple of occasions.

Connick, made no attempt to sleep, and interrupted me frequently with chat requests (I was across the aisle from the rest of the family). Jesamine and Rachel didn't sleep much either.

So we landed at LAX a little after 7am LA time and did some more queueing. We queued our way off the plane, queued our way through border security, queued at the carousel for our bags, and queued at customs to reassure that we wouldn't be bringing anything nasty into the USA. A highlight for some whilst queuing at border security was seeing Nathan from Packed to the Rafters - or at least the actor who plays him. When I say "a highlight for some", I mean for those who have the faintest idea who he is. I thought he looked a bit like Jamie Oliver.

Having made our way through the various stages of security, we queued for us bus, which carried us to Anaheim, and then queued for our room keys to check into the motel.

By the time we settled into our motel (Howard Johnsons) Suzy failed in the plan to stay awake and get our bodies onto LA time. I could easily have succumbed, but the kids and I decided to head over to Disneyland. We've got 6 day tickets, and if we didn't got today we wouldn't get another chance to use that sixth day.

We stopped at McDonalds for lunch on the way. And queued. I've been to some pretty average McDonalds stores on Australia, but never anything that comes close to the wait at Anaheim. There were three (I think) couples in front of me when I joined the queue, but it was over 20 minutes before I was served - and then had to wait off to the side to get our meals. I gathered some interesting distinctions from this experience.
  1. Over here, they call hamburgers "sandwiches". You can have the "meal" or the "sandwich".
  2. In Australia when you order a meal, you specify small large or medium, which dictates the size of the accompanying fries and drink. Here there is only one size - and it's big.
  3. The menu items are numbered, so ordering is more like in the stereotypical Chinese restaurant. "Can I have a Big Mac" will draw a blank stare - until they realise that "oh, you'd like a number 1?" (tee hee)
  4. I saw no evidence that the Happy Meal has any place in American Culture.
  5. And perhaps strangest of all - you can not order a cheese burger. Item 2 on the menu is "two cheeseburgers" - and that's what you get.
And so we crossed the road into Disneyland. There's a lot to look at, but there is a pretty narrow band of years in which kids can get excited about Mickey's Toon Town - and probably narrower now that we have Movieworld in Queensland.

Rides, however, can serve all ages - and so ...

we queued. Until the last two rides the day, I don't belive there was a ride for which we queued less that 30 minutes. And when a ride lasts about 20 seconds, that can be a painful trade-off.

We started with Gadget's Go Coaster. We then rode the Matterhorn bobsleds (which had just broken down when we first queued for them an hour earlier), the teacups (because they spin), the Indiana Jones Adventure (the favourite so far), the Pirates of the Carribean, and the Big Thunder Mountain Railroad.

We then crossed over into California Adventure Park, specifically to ride the Tower of Terror - because Jesamine kept spotting it from a distance.

Connick hated the ride, as he kept repeating to me through clenched teeth and look of sheer terror throughout. But upon getting off decided it wasn't so bad after all. It's a poor trade-off though between queueing time and ride time.

We headed over to California Screamin', and the queue looked manageable, but Connick was not keen, and we were all so damned tired - so we decided to head back to the motel and see if Suzy had roused. Taking a wrong turning on the way out, we stumbled across the Grizzly River Rafting ride - which had no wait and offered a chance to rest our legs. That was enough encouragement so around we went, getting pretty wet in the process. With very few people still waiting to ride, we stayed on for a second round, and subsequently headed home thoroughly drenched.

Turns out Suzy has woken and tried to track us down - which was never going to work - but she did queue 45 minutes for the Ferris Wheel.

So, back to the motel, and we just headed out for a buffet tea. Now I know that you don't tip for fast food, and I know that you tip around 15% for table service, but we found ourselves out of our depth deciding how best to depart a buffet. Suzy tried questioning another customer, but it turns out he was recently landed from New Zealand, so not much help.

In the end we left $2 on the table and scarpered.

So there we have it. Day One. I've now been pretty much on the go for 34 hours, and it's time for bed. We've got a 5:30am wake-up call in the morning for our breakfast with Goofy.

I'm currently listening to the relentless and VERY load reports of fireworks over the road at Disneyland - but that's not going to wake the kids, who had well and truly crashed by 9pm LA time (2pm Melbourne time)

Good night.